How to Cook Chaotic Cookies for Crazy People
by Midnight's Queen
Summary: Step 1: Hit Goblin King on the head with a frying pan. Step 2: Smash Eggs in his hair. 3 Black Food Dye. 'Nuff said. 4 Slide ice down those sinfully tight pants. 5 Summon Hoggle and enjoy! please don't forget to review, please?


_Disclaimer: Come on, now, if I owned Labyrinth I would also be best friends with David Bowie. But this is not the case. _

_Also, this is plotless, and something I made up in the timeframe of a single after noon. Please review and please please please don't flame._

_**Sarah was bored. Currently, she was laying upside down on her couch counting the little spiders that were running across she ceiling. Groaning, she flipped onto her stomach and counted the billions of itty-bitty cracks in her carpet. Yes, she was counting the cracks in her carpet, something to which most people would say, "But there aren't any cracks in your carpet!" But there was, **_**Sarah thought back to her memories of people saying that petulantly. **_**There always are cracks in the carpets, all over the world! People are just too blind to find them. **_

**Having satisfied her curiosity of the mysterious carpet cracks, Sarah went to roll onto her side… causing her to fall off the couch with a painful sounding **_**thud**_**. "Hmph-ing" in denial, **_**she did NOT just fall off her couch, people!!!,**_** Sarah stood up. And promptly fell over her feet. Grumbling about invisible trip lines and whoever put them there, she stood back up, and decided to see if she had anything to do…. Like bake! That's it, she'd bake to get her mind off of her boredom!!!**

**Traipsing happily to the kitchen, she brought out her 10 lb bag of chocolate chips, vanilla flavoring, neon green icing, eggs, and measuring cups. Just as she was setting everything down on the counter and turning to get everything else, her doorbell rang. **_**Hmmmm…. I wonder if I should go answer it… **_**Sarah thought distractedly. **_**No, its probably some creepy salesman that's going to try to grope me… They should really stop that… I might have to press charges….. **_**Sarah was torn from her thoughts by someone pounding on said door. Huffing in annoyance, she stalked over to the door, put her best, "I-eat-kids-for-breakfast" glare, she yanked open the already abused door, which was silently crying on the inside, and yelled, "WHAT IN THE BLOODY NINTH LEVEL OF HELL DO YOU WANT???????" before seeing who it was. **

**However, upon seeing that it was a little girl with big, brown eyes and in a girl scout uniform, she **_**politely**_** said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. But I still don't want any of your damned cookies." Turning to shut the door, Sarah heard a noise behind her. As she turned back, she found it was the little girl laughing. **

**Still laughing, the little girl said, "Well, then, I must do this…"**

**And she shouted at the top of her lungs, "I WISH THE GOBLIN KING WOULD COME AND BOTHER SARAH WILLIAMS FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH!!!!!!" And promptly turned around and walked over to the next house.**

**Sarah, however, had frozen and paled at the hottie-of-her-dreams and nemesis Jareth the Goblin King. So, she did what every completely sane person would do: locked the door, locked and closed all the windows, pulled that drapes down, and… continued her way to the kitchen to make her cookies. She took out the rest of the ingredients and began mixing them, after putting on David Bowie full blast on her CD player. Right before she could continue, however, she heard a strange noise coming from the bathroom.**

**Slightly curious, Sarah grabbed her handy dandy, rusty trusty, never-failed her before frying pan and went to investigate the noise. Silently creeping down the hallway, after all, she had to put those stalking skills to use, and now would be the perfect time to practice, and reached the bathroom only stumbling once. And right as she stood outside of the door, she grasped the doorknob and threw it open quickly, making the door hit the wall, and thus abusing it and making it cry. **

**Seeing some tall figure trying to stand up, she charged with a yell and whacked the figure on the head with her handy dandy, rusty trusty, never failed her before frying pan repeatedly until not even a twitch was coming from him. Kneeling beside the figure and turning him over to see if she knew him, she saw his face, jumped up and started clapping whilst squealing and jumping around in tight circles. It was the evil goblin King!!!!!**

**Still excited, she dropped her handy dandy, rust trusty, never failed her before frying pan on his head, eliciting a pained groan from the unconscious Fae, and ran to her mirror screaming, "HOGGLE! HOGGLE!!!! COME QUICK! I HAVE THE GOBLIN KING UNCONSCIOUS IN MY BATHROOM!!!! HURRY!!!!!" Then realizing that her screaming might've woken him up, she ran back to the bathroom, grabbed her handy dandy, rusty trusty, never failed her before frying pan off the floor and began beating him over the head with it until he had stopped twitching, again. **

**Making sure that he was not going to wake up anytime soon, Sarah dragged him to one of her kitchen chairs, intending to tie him up. Realizing that she had nothing to do this with, she went to her room and looked through her drawer of broken headbands, saved for the gods-know-what. As soon as she had a chain that would be unbreakable, she ran to the kitchen and tied up the slightly moving man before giving him one more decisive whack with the now dented handy dandy, rusty trusty, never failed her before frying pan. **

**Deciding that her job was now complete, Sarah smiled and went back to her baking while singing along loudly to David Bowie's Space Oddity. After about 5 minutes, the first batch was in the oven, and Sarah began to make more dough. Picking up an egg, she began to smirk evilly as an idea formed in her devious brain. Walking over to the unconscious Fae, Sarah smartly cracked the egg in her hand on his head and smeared its gooey contents all over his head, then went to her pantry and brought out her black Halloween food dye and emptied the little bottle completely on his head. Running to the bathroom, she grabbed her hair dryer and dried the mess onto his head. **

**That being done, Sarah took her first batch of cookies out of the oven and popped in the second batch. Hearing footsteps in her bedroom, Sarah once again too her slightly dented handy dandy, rusty trusty, never failed her before frying pan and headed down the hallway. Throwing open, and abusing, yet another door, she was relieved to find it was only Hoggle… As was the frying pan. Really, was this person TRYING to kill him???**

**Anyway… Sarah gave a shout of joy and flung herself onto him, knocking him down the to ground. Or, rather, tried to. He dodged. Causing her to fall on the floor flat on her stomach. Which rather hurt the floor. Sarah, n the other hand, was fine and got back up immediately. **

"**Come on, Hoggle! You should see what the goblin king looks like! Of course, he's unconscious but still!" And thus dragging poor Hoggle along, they arrived at the kitchen, where Sarah promptly screeched, "MY COOKIES!" And ran over to the oven to take the second batch of cookies and popped in the third. She soon heard a groan and looked over to where her prison-umm, **_**guest**_** was. He was waking up! **

**Sarah cackled with glee as she watched him slowly come to reality. Oh, revenge was sweet! Getting an idea, Sarah walked over to her fridge and took out a tray of ice. Taking a piece out, Sarah stalked up behind Jareth and put the ice down his pants without looking. She jumped back, and watched in glee as he started wiggling around and making it worse.**

**She walked around to the front of him, and watched in satisfaction for a few minutes before walking back to the oven and taking out her cookies. Finally, all were done and she could eat them. Not to be rude, Sarah offered one to Hoggle and one to Jareth, along with a drink. **

"**Thank you, Sarah." Hoggle said and bit into the cookie, which was delicious.**

**Suddenly, Sarah turned and stomped upstairs, which made her floor cry, **_**what did it ever do to her???, **_**she went to the bathroom to find several goblins eating her toilet paper. So she calmly went to get her slightly dented, handy dandy, rusty trusty, never failed her before frying pan, and went to go beat up the goblins with it. But the frying pan had had enough! So it broke.**

**Seeing her slightly dented, handy dandy, rust trusty, never failed her before frying pan break in half kind of broke Sarah, and she ran from the room into the kitchen, sat in Jareth's lap and cried. No, she didn't cry, she sobbed. She sobbed and clutched at him and made his finely tailored clothes wet with her tears. Now, being tied up and all, Jareth could do nothing to help his beloved Sarah. **

**So, like any sensible, rejected, madly in love male, he tried to reason with her: "Sarah, if you untie me I can fix your frying pan."**

"**Really?" Sarah sniffed, then hopped up and untied him. Keeping his word, Jareth not only fixed the frying pan, making Sarah very happy, but he also banished the goblins who were now eating soap. **

**Sarah then remembered the neon green frosting and went to spread it on the cookies. Instead, as she was carrying the bowl of frosting, she tripped and it ended up all over Jareth's finely tailored clothing. And he slipped, which smeared it in. And so green frosting covered, Jareth sighed and decided that---**

**Jareth: Stop. Right now.**

**Sarah: Yeah, I'm not crazy!!!**

**MQ: Yeah, right. Well, since characters aren't cooperating anymore, I guess this is then end! Thanks for reading!!!!**


End file.
